Dear Santa...

With the Holidays fast approaching, I have begun to feel like a child again, as is usually the case with me. Here, I am posting a list of things that Santa should bring me that only he could bring since the rest of my family and friends have jobs and budgets and common sense.

1. An audiobook of The Great Gatsby performed by Grover from Sesame Street.

2. Paget Brewster.

3. A money truck... with money.

4. A bowl of chilli queso dip and edible ninja stars made from cheese (about a hundred or so).

5. A robot butler that cleans the house, runs off the Jehovah's Witnesses that come over on Saturdays, AND fights crime!

6. A Swiss Army Knife with a laser and a thumb drive.

7. And what the hell... a couple of corndogs.

Remember Santa, if you want to prove that you are real, you will have these items in my living room by 8 am sharp on Christmas morning. If you fail to do so, I will stop believing in you.