Rent-a-cops

I want to say, I am grateful to police officers. They serve and put their lives on the line for us everyday. What I don't like is cops, rent-a-cops, and military police that think their badge gives them the same title as king of the earth.

Today I had to take my daughter to the navy hospital to pick up her new wheelchair and have some adjustments done on her old wheelchair. I very rarely use my handicap parking hanger because I have the ability to walk across a parking lot. Today though I realized I would be handling two wheelchairs and a six year old by myself and thought I would need the extra space between cars in order to do so. As I was returning to my van there was a rent-a-cop/military cop standing in front of my van scraping my stickers off and issuing me a ticket. When I finally maneuvered both of the wheelchairs over to him to ask him why he was giving me a ticket he told me because I was fraudulently parking in a handicapped spot. The sign clearly states (in small letters) lift. Call me silly, but the sign says, "handicapped parking" and under that, it says lift. I assumed that meant the spot was larger in case you have a lift. Guess who was wrong....me. Because I don't have a lift on my van he decided to give me a ticket. Now one thing you should know. The navy DR's offered to give me a referral to get my van fitted with a $12,000 lift. I thought that was a waste of money and instead I would gradually break down my spine by lifting the wheelchair on my own and save the navy the money. I still however have to get in between cars and "lift" that chair into my van and still need the same space that the lift would require. So as you can imagine I then told the "cop" he could shove his ticket and use his time helping a lady "lift" these fucking chairs into her car instead. He ignored me and put my ticket under my wipers.

So to all you cops on a power trip out there, sleep well at night, knowing one day you will need someone to cut you a little slack or one day your wife might hope someone cuts her a little slack and they will laugh in your stupid face!!! You are the reason people hate police.

Cruise Top Ten

Here are the top ten things I want to say about our recent cruise.

1. I didn't end up on an episode of "I shouldn't be alive" after swimming with stingrays and dolphins, but I thought I would.

2. Celine is the luckiest gambler I have ever met (or cheats).

3. Mark's old man shorts may have contributed to #2.

4. Amanda has a talent for a new film industry, towel animal porn.

5. People need to learn line, elevator, and parenting skills/etiquette. I am willing to teach the class.

6. You really can get over fear of elevators after being locked in one for 30 minutes, all it takes is a half retarded kid to convince you its really ok.

7. I really don't like people from New Jersey, except Celine, and NO I don't want to see the damn show.

8. I rock at quarter poker, I don't care what any of you say.

9. J needs a few more sleeveless shirts.

10. This was the best cruise so far and I can't wait for the next one.

Webstomp! July 28

Webstomp! is an occasional delve into the bullshit I find on the internet.  Blame Al Gore, he invented the internet, you know.


1. A person thinks it is a good idea to get out of his car and punch a bicyclist while people are filming him. 

I fucking hate cyclists too, dude.

2. You should always be very descriptive when creating a Lost Dog poster.  Seriously.

3. Here is an ad for an apartment in a converted church.  Check out the fifth picture and tell me if something in the background feels a bit....wrong.

4.   I like some 3DS animations.  Some of them are pretty impressive.  This one  is a pretty neat animation however, the idea here is fucking stupid.  I welcome your comments.

If you have suggestions for future Webstomp! articles, please feel free to keep them to yourself.

My Nemesis... And Your's Too, Most Likely

I made a startling discovery today.  I discovered that there is a person in this world that I can hate more than I ever thought was possible.  And seriously, I hate a few people in this world, as many of you well know. 

Today I discovered the existence of a man named John Heald.  John Heald is the Senior Cruise Director for Carnival Cruise Lines.  I hate him.  His job, from what I can gather, is to float around to tropical venues getting sauced and writing his stupid blog about it.  And he gets paid for it.  Probably a lot, too. 

In my experience, if your job title has the word “Senior” in it, you make a lot of money.  Especially if you are the only person at your company with that title.  See, it doesn’t work for me (my title being Senior Technician) because I am neither senior nor am I the only one.

I am a little disappointed that I cannot get a new t-shirt made prior to the cruise: 

I hate him purely out of jealousy.

These Are Not The Droids You Are Looking For

Amazon, being the devils that they are, sent me another recommendation.

will... I will resist!!!

This is not the purchase I am looking for....

Arrghh, I've bought the damn films on VHS, on VHS again when they were digitally remastered, on DVD in (Lord forgive me) digitally enhanced versions....

Must not buy the same films again, must not......

George Lucas does not need my money.....

I should take the money and donate it to a worthy cause, not spend it on shiny, shiny, HD goodness.....

That's it!

I'm now humming the cantina song in my head…

I can't hear you.....

help me

I Think It Could Work

Cover Me In Chocolate and Throw Me To The Lesbians

I have tried to tell my mother that dressing up her dog is, frankly, a little weird.  Despite my protests, she still occasionally puts some kind of scarf or whatnot on him.  Other dog owners put their poor companions into cute little raincoats or sweaters or whatever.  But seriously, what's wrong with a good old fashioned funny graphic t-shirt?

If, like me, you enjoy browsing custom t-shirt places online, then you have probably seen the ones with dogs whereing shirts that say things like "bitches love me" or "throw me a bone."

Drink Me Some Kool-Aid and Sleep like a Baby!

1. I assume this was the only option available for interview because everyone else was at work.

2. Who doesn't love a glass of grape Koolaid?

Webstomp! July 15

Webstomp! is an occasional delve into the bullshit I find on the internet.  Blame Al Gore, he invented the internet, you know.

1. Stupid Person

 2.  Trailer for a new Star Wars game.  The Trailer for the forthcoming Star Wars: The Old Republic game is pretty amazing.  In fact, it is my opinion that it looks better than any of the three prequel films.  Lets face it, those were shit.

3. An owl smacks a window.  

4. Casey Anthony's To Do List
     Kill kid   (check)
     Get away with it  (check)
     Get paid to have sex in front of a camera (what?)

Good Morning

First I would like to say, I am thrilled that a new blog was created and that I was once again invited to share my emotions publicly.

Second I would like to say, the alternator went out in our car this morning so I am in a fanfuckingtabulous mood.

Neither of these are the reason for my post though. I have had a "gripe" for sometime now and I feel the need to share.

I love having social networks for me to keep up with all my friends. I am nosey. Anyone who knows me will tell you this is a fact. Social networks give me the opportunity to be nosey without having to speak to people who annoy me. What I don't "get" is why on any given day I can wake up and the first five posts of the days are couples announcing their love for their spouse. Guess what, if you married that person I already assume your undying love for them is securely in place. I don't need to read it five times a week. I have never woke up and thought, I wonder if my husband loves me because he never announces it on (facebook, myspace, google plus). Nor have I ever thought, I bet my husband wonders if I care about him, I better go purchase a billboard and tell everyone in the world so he understands my love. Guess what, I don't give a shit who knows if I do or don't love my husband so I am not going to post if for the world to see. If I see you posting your love or how wonderful your spouse is, I assume, you are doing it to make yourself feel better for the shitty relationship you are in and you want people to assume its good. This is also true for, awesome kids posts. Your kids are not awesome. They are brats and I don't give a shit. Here is a thought, lets just say for shits sake, everyone from this day forward can assume that if you are in a relationship, you are in love, and your spouse is awesome. Problem solved, quit posting it. If you find this is no longer the case, there is a solution, divorce. Its like the abortion for marriage.