Obviously, this is my generation's crowning achievement. Leave it to Music Television (a network that during my lifetime did has done everything in its power to destroy music) to make a show about dumb asses who sit around and do nothing but watch their channel.
Despite the pure stupidity of it all, I still like it. I mean, it is thirty minutes of adolescent dick and fart jokes, what is there not to enjoy? I even started recording the new season this week. But that is not the point. The point is: we are all just a little bit dumber just for knowing about this show, much less for having watched it.
This week, they made fun of the Twilight movies in a way I had not thought of, so they really made me proud. Which brings me to the next totally worthless contribution to society that my generation has made:
Tubedaze:
"Twilight was the worst vampire movie ever made. They should not even be called, 'vampires.' The should be called 'Extremely Iron Deficient Superheroes That Hiss Like Vampires When They Are Agitated.' It was completely insulting, so insulting that I actually took it personally. This was made with the sole purpose of pissing me off. I mean, they are not even identifiable as vampires. They replaced the fangs, shape-shifting, and lack of reflection with what? Glitter skin. The dude is all like "this is the skin of a killer." Yeah right, because nothing says 'killer' like freaking glitter."
The rant goes on past this point but, I think you may get the point. And before someone says "you just need to read the books," let me tell you a secret. I have read the first two books. So, unless your argument is "you just need to read the third book" then don't bother. Besides, even if it becomes the most awesome story ever written after the second book, I would feel cheated of the few hours of my life that I will never get back that I wasted reading this.
Understand, I am not saying that you should not like it. I like stupid shit too. I am a Green Lantern fiend. I am jonesing for it the way Whitney Houston is dying for that next royalty check to show up so she and Bobby can make themselves even more disgustingly retarded. I am saying that I want you to like it. I want you to be happy with your glitter vampires but, I cannot. I have tried. And I found myself even more underwhelmed than I had previously expected to be.
Yes, I too find this photo of John Scalzi's cat, Ghlaghghee, with bacon taped to his side to be hilarious. Again, that is not the point. The point is, the internet, instead of being a useful tool for the distribution of information to the huddled masses, has instead become a repository for photos and video from the Crazy Cat Ladies of the world. It does not matter that this is cute or funny or whatever. What matters is that this has actually made us a little more stupid than we were before.
That is a cool picture though, right?
Text messaging has become even more popular recently because of two reasons.
First, data plans on cellphones have become far cheaper than they once were. And with the advent of the smartphone, more and more of us have tiny computers in our pockets that literally connects to the entirety of the internet. That is unless you are an Apple Zombie, and then you are only connected to the parts of cyberspace that do not rely on Flash. However, that is a rant for another day.
This overwhelming need to be constantly connected to the internet is not what I have a massive problem with. I do find it mildly disturbing but I also have a smart-phone sitting on my desk in front of me at this very moment. What really bothers me is that in every class I attended following my time in the military, my instructors made it very clear that turning in assignments that were written in "text speak" would not be tolerated. I was amazed to say the least. The fact that every single one of them said this showed me that this was obviously happening a lot. How stupid do you have to be to do that, to turn in a paper written in that crazy language?
I am not even going to begin to express my concern for idiots who text while driving. I know someone who swears he is perfectly safe while texting and riding his motorcycle. Terrifying.
The fact is, I believe these things are making us lazier while simultaneously lowering our collective IQ's. The late Greg Giraldo said he thought these things would make us one day evolve into nothing but giant fat asses with fingers, and the only people who will actually work will be the illegal immigrants that we will have to hire to flip us over and wipe our lazy fat asses. And there will still be people complaining, "They are taking are jobs!"
